Sometimes I think we all watched too many episodes of “The Waltons.” Remember? At bedtime, the lights blink out, one by one, in the old farmhouse. Goodnight, John-Boy. Goodnight, Jim-Bob. Goodnight to Mama and Daddy and, of special relevance to readers here, goodnight to Papa, Goodnight Nana.
Back then, the multi generational family was the norm, we sigh. Grandpa taught the grand kids to fish; Grandma made pies and sewed curtains; everyone magically got along. Now, we often hear how we’re all too busy, too geographically dispersed, too careerist, too selfish, too something. We berate ourselves for it.
Hardly anything is more heartbreaking than having one or more of our adult children simply disappear from our lives. Yes, it seems inconceivable but it happens a lot more often than we think. The word of God says this, in the book of Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. The cruel grief of such a loss is often more than any of us parents can bear. Even the idea of such losses sounds absurd and can send most of us packing. The sadness and possible shame we bear is not something we discuss idly with fellow parents, many of whom are enjoying seemingly rich connections to their adult kids and grand kids.
It can send shivers down our spine to know that our kids are alive but not seeing us. The trauma from losing our kids in this way can be worse that losing our children to death. Such pain affects all of our relationships. Generally we may choose to not even listen to happy talk about family life, even though we very much approve of others enjoying their children and grand kids. Obviously it’s very easy to blame ourselves and ask, “What did I do wrong?” There’s no hiding from the guilt and shame. It haunts us and cannot be put into words.
We read this in Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),“that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ever since I can remember I’ve always wanted to grow up , get married, have a couple kids ( I’ve accomplished the first three ) and grow old surrounded by my grand kids and even great grand kids, sounds like something right out of the movies doesn’t it ? You see life doesn’t always work out the way you dream it will. I’ve made many mistakes through the years as I raised my kids, and I always hoped that somehow they would be able to see past the pain and heartache that I unintentionally inflicted upon them and forgive myself and my wife, hurt was never a part of the plan. The children you are blessed with have their own free will, and us as parents can only hope and pray that we do the right things, instill the right morals, and raise them according to Gods Holy word.
What comfort and peace it brings to remember God is always in control and ever present in our children’s lives, even when we can no longer be. It’s so sad when I see people living with overwhelming sadness about children who don't call, visit or want to have them as part of their lives. We have so many ways to be happy and so many reasons for gratitude in our lives if we fill our lives with purpose and passion and, with the blessing of adult children and grandchildren when possible. When our happiness and well-being doesn't hinge entirely on family, we may find ourselves enjoying those times of closeness and connection even more.
I will close with this (one of the most comforting verses I know) it's out of the book of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. Remember this,, love your children,,always,,no matter what,,,, unconditionally. Blessings
